In this moment, time stood still. Deadset. Crying, smiling, happy, not proud. I don't know the definition of emotions anymore. Just for this frame during this bullshit movie of a life I've directed, I'm lost. It's like that gut feeling I momentarily had a couple of weeks ago, except worse. So much worse I feel sick, insides turning, climbing to release itself from my interior.
Dearest God, I pray that you give me strength, acceptance, understanding and humbleness because right now, that is what I am lacking, what I need.