What happened?

I want to have a more meaningful relationship with you. I clearly do. I want to bring back the peak of our friendship, the joy and absolute nonesense we would share, the peculiar moments that were spent during school lunch times, the burps, snorts, and tears of laughter that were derived from our chaotic minds. I want to take it all back, but I say it in the most contradictory sense. There is nothing that I do which immulates enough effort for me to go after this desire. It doesn't just happen the way I predict it to be. I ponder on endless questions, with no written answer I can find. The excuses I make to myself to avoid such a situation are just childish and intolerable. If I want everything to return to its original state then why can't I just converse with you more, laugh with you more, be myself with you more, right? It's something that's just so easy, but also something I cannot be damned to do. I think it's something that I musn't strive to achieve, this friendship.
I think the 'click' that we once had, has lost its sound.
When was it that our relationship flared into thousands of thin sheets of burnt paper? What made you go away? What really happened?