Disheartened

Today, the whole world is shut away from mine. At this moment in my adolesence I feel the worst isolation. I'm going through a phase of contradictory emotions and sensations and it's hard for me to simplify and give the correct answer as stated at the back of the book. My room is full of gloomy atmosphere. Memories on my wall are fading, the bright shades of pink and orange are morphing into dull shades of black and white and I'm thinking. Thinking of every possible outcome to all of this. Being understood, taking an easy road, all of the above. I'm longing, yearning to be cared for, to be worth something to someone out there. My family isn't supportive of me whatsoever and I'm being manipulated by a significant person I had once called my friend. I'm being hurt by someone else without realization, without words. He who can't take the time to look at me, talk to me like he used to, and yet, despite all of this I'm still so strongly attatched. I'm feeling so very angst and it's awfully discouraging to think that there's no one I can talk to about all of this. I try to seek refuge in the presence of others, but no one can ease the pain that you feel when you’re alone. No, I'm not depressed, but nothing's a step closer to seeing a light in all of this. I feel like shit, and sick of having a stream of tears running down my face all the time.
Just for today, I'm alone, swimming in deep ends at a consistent pace.