I was asked, why don't you want a boyfriend?

When you have a long line of guys out there who would date you?
I never really ever answered this question wholeheartedly, it was the only secret that I ever only kept to myself. Maybe one day, my friends will understand. These days, kids are having relationships so it would be okay if I had one, but the thing is, I don't want us hurting. Like in 'A Walk To Remember,' when Jamie said to Landon 'promise you won't fall in love with me,' the reason behind that was because she was sick.
I guess I'm sick too. During my holiday to the Philippines, most of the time, I was in the hospital, getting special treatment for this stupid disease. Luckily now, everything's going on the good run, but back then, all I wanted was a simple life. Happy, and content with the relationships I have with my family and beautiful friends.
To this day, you could say I'm in 'love' with someone, that I have someone special in my life, but even if we were in each others' arms, would I be fine with that? They say that the thing you want the most is your biggest fear. Is it really? Have I proven that to myself?